Ten things not to say to a pregnant woman

English: Photograph of abdomen of a pregnant woman

English: Photograph of abdomen of a pregnant woman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

1. “I knew it!”

Even if you did know it, please pass on the opportunity to tout your psychic abilities (or your weird  claim that you unconsciously  smelled my pheromones.  ew).  When women say this, it usually means that they noticed your waist got a little bigger, or as one woman told me, “you had the waddle.” If it’s a man telling you this, then he might as well just say “Boobs,” because that’s what he noticed.    I promise.

2.  Any version of that horrific birth story you heard/witnessed/experienced

Just don’t.  Even if you think you are going to save your pregnant friend from pure disaster by recommending that she skip the epidural, or run screaming from the birth center, you won’t.  Chances are she has read all the horror stories and is staying awake at night thinking of them.  But as soon as you tell her those stories, they are more real, and they won’t serve to save her, they will only serve to give her panic attacks.  So, save those stories for a campfire or something.  K, thanks.

3. “How’s the baby?”

Now, this seems like a normal question, right?  Sure, but try being asked that every day about something that exists inside you.  Don’t get me wrong, feeling my baby kick is my favorite part of the day.  I actually take breaks from work to lay down and feel him wiggle around in there.  It’s awesome.  But how is he doing?  I don’t really know.   I could just as easily ask you how your spleen is.  Seriously, I have no idea how that baby is, but I am pretty sure he is better than you and me.  He’s floating in my belly in blissful ignorance of the life that is about to happen to him.  Ever hear of fetal position?  The position we all take to call to mind being safe in the womb?  Yeah, he’s all good in there.  Why don’t you ask me about my carpel tunnel syndrome, or my heartburn, or my aching limbs, or my food cravings?  On second thought.  Don’t.

4. “Are you having any weird food cravings?”

I don’t wake up in the middle of the night dying for pickles (any more than I always have anyway), and I don’t want to eat sardine ice cream.  Chances are I have been throwing up for 3 weeks and the last thing I want to discuss is food.

I’ll tell you what I’ve been craving– that glass of wine you’re drinking, that looks good.  Or those oysters.  Sigh.

5. “Hey hot stuff!”

This one was a surprise.  Guys, you need to work on your level of comfort with pregnant women.  Some of you are horribly afraid of the pregnant woman and can’t stop yourself from stuttering and tripping.  I know, I know, I had SEX, and now there’s a baby in my belly and my boobs are huge.  It’s going to be okay.

….but NOT so okay that you can cat call me.  Seriously, I have never been more objectified in my life.  I repeat, I understand guys that there is irrefutable evidence of the fact that I had sex, I know, I know–boobs huge.

Deep breath.

6. “Are you sure you are not due sooner?” or “You’re so big!” or “You’re so small!”

C’mon.  A) I probably can’t wait to get this baby outta me and B) I am not ready for this baby AT ALL, and C) Every pregnant woman big or small is self-conscious about her body and size.  I used to do google image searches for X weeks pregnant, just to see if I was doing it right, so…

….you know, shut up!

7. “Are you going to go natural?”

None. Of. Your. Business.  Also, why is childbirth that is assisted by the miracle of anesthesia not “natural?”  I don’t want to get a “natural” root canal.

Regardless, most pregnant women do not know what they want to do and see #2.  She’s already thinking about it.  Privately and with her partner and her close friends.  If you are one of her close friends, tell her you will support whatever she decides.  She might find that natural is the way to go,  so go read #2 again and don’t suck air in and look at her like she is crazy.  She might also decide she wants the needle–in this case you can refrain from making her feel like she is a letdown to feminists everywhere and an active participant in the medically sanctioned abuse of women.  I think that would be a load off her shoulders.

8. “I thought you might be pregnant, but then I thought you might just be a drinker.”

This one is just funny and was actually said to me by an employee.  I don’t think it’s a thing that people say, but hilarious nonetheless and I couldn’t leave it off the list.

9. “You think life sucks now, just wait until the baby’s born!”

Awesome. Erasing your name from the baby shower invite list. I’ll pay for that stroller to hell myself, thanks.

10.  “Were you trying?”

I always answered this one by saying, “We weren’t NOT trying.”  But, it always strikes me as an odd invasion of a person’s sex life.  Or an attempt to get someone to admit that they’re in the middle of an unplanned pregnancy.

I do understand that it is harder for some couples, and my husband and I were really lucky, but not everyone goes from trying to prevent pregnancy to trying to get pregnant, and for those who do have to try, let’s take the pressure off, k?  Don’t make them admit that it has taken two years and give them any reason to think her pregnancy might be vulnerable.  See #2.  One thing you can be sure of with a pregnant lady–she has anxieties.  Don’t make them worse!

That said, recently when someone asked us that, I gave my usual NOT NOT trying bit, but I was not heard over my husband loudly declaring, “Yeah, I was trying.”

Love that guy.  Glad he was successful.

What’s that you say?  “Oh no!  I’ve said, like, all of these to, like, every pregnant woman I know.  What do I do?”

Most of my friends and family have said at least one (if not all of these things) to me.  And they will keep doing so.  They can because I love them, and they love me.  And strangers sometimes ask these questions too. That’s ok.  This post is meant mostly to be humorous because these seemingly innocuous questions and remarks start to seem really weird  when they are asked of you daily for nine months.

It’s  important to understand that after a few months of this a gal begins to feel like she is in a freak show.  Everyone wants know everything that your body is doing.  It’s like being under a microscope, at the Mütter Museum.  Give a girl some space while she gets ready for the biggest change of her life , as her body does weirder and weirder shit everyday.  Tell her she looks pretty.   Hug her.  Ask her if you can touch her belly, and if she says no, don’t worry, she probably still loves you.

And when she gets that baby out, go over and do her dishes.  Bring her some ice cream and a DVD of a silly movie.   Tell her she looks pretty.  Even if she is greasy and wearing pajamas, tell her she looks beautiful, and that everything is going to be ok.

Do it for the children.

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163 responses to “Ten things not to say to a pregnant woman

  1. #7 is the most irritating — At my baby shower, a friend asked me my “birth plan” and I said “I’ll probably get an epidural…” To which she replied “Hmmm….interesting.”

    • Oh boy. The birth plan. (One of my friends told me not to bother with that 🙂 because it all goes out the window once you arrive at the hospital)

      • Yeah, birth plans only set you up for disappointment in my opinion! My little guy came really early so I didn’t have one, but even the general ideas I had about what I wanted (and even which hospital we’d be at!) didn’t happen. I know more people who were disappointed that things didn’t work out than people who had anything, let alone everything, go by the script.

      • There’s a great quote from Eisenhower about plans being useless, but planning being indispensable. So do plan, but expect to be flexible with it

  2. Nicely written!

    I work with some ladies who are currently pregnant and every day the same colleagues ask the same invasive questions and crack the same pregnancy related jokes to the point *I* feel bad for the ladies.

    It’s one of those social situations where people feel the need to let you know they are happy for you and the only way to do that is apparently by asking a ridiculous amount of otherwise very inappropriate questions on a daily basis. Then of course there is the minor detail from the moment the pregnancy is announced onwards the only apparent small talk to be had with you is related to everything you mentioned above. You no longer do things on the weekend or enjoy the weather, its all about the little bundle of joy developing in your belly!

  3. Love this. I haven’t had any babies yet but I often despair of people telling pregnant women horrendous birth stories. WHY? It’s cruel. You’ve got a ticket to ride, right? It makes me angry. All the best with the rest of your pregnancy. I love your writing.

  4. Funny, yes, but actually some pretty good advice. After years of not knowing what to say, and being guilty of saying several of the above, I pretty much stick to something like. “Well ,wonderful. What a great adventure you’re starting upon!”

    • Karl, I think that is a very nice thing to say to a pregnant woman 🙂 After I posted this, one of my friends said to me “Now I don’t know what I am allowed to say to you!” I think it’s mostly about intention. It’s just funny how you hear the same things over and over 🙂

  5. This is so true. I got the “you’re so big!” comment all too often when I was pregnant. To the point where my manager exclaimed that we had to have our departamental meeting to discuss my maternity leave that day because I was so big, I was not going to make it without going into labor that weekend!!.

    I gave birth 2 weeks later.

    • yikes! A whole departmental meeting to discuss how big I am–sounds like a nightmare. I have a colleague who keeps saying we have to make plans in case I “go early.”

  6. Yeah, #7 feels like a no-win question. I finally said the following after my second baby, “Well, I’ve had the epidural, and I’ve gone natural…I think next time I’ll have a twilight birth just to make I’ve given them all a fair try.”

  7. Congratulations on that most joyous expectancy of one’s life. Or maybe I wasn’t supposed to say that.

    You forgot to mention two versions of the number one question: Do you want a boy or a girl? Do you know what it is? You clearly do – Amnio was it?

    Never heard anyone asking: “WERE you trying?” In my experience it’s:”ARE you trying?” once you have been married for longer than five minutes.

    I think you a little harsh. Give some slack to those who take a heartfelt interest – and sometimes express it clumsily. And yes, people will touch your protruding tummy as if it’s public property by the very fact that you are carrying a new life. Let them. It’s primal.

    Oh, and have you got a name yet?

    Other than that: Enjoy. One minute you are pregnant, the next your miracle, like mine, will be nearly twenty two, tower over you and has to bend down to kiss you (on your forehead). Twenty two years gone in a flash. Happy years. To be continued …

    Happy mothering. And let no one tell you any different.

    Good luck,
    U

  8. Reblogged this on mintyphresh and commented:
    My boyfriend and I were laughing at the funny parts. Not that we can relate much ,we’re too young in life to have babies . 😄 it’s funny how some people can be so stupid and annoying when talking to a pregnant women. Reminds me of when they respond to someone being on their cycle…ugh!

      • Your welcome! And oh yeah ! The part about your husband saying that he tried , reminds me of my bf cuz it sounds like something he’d say if we ever had sex and got pregnant xD he likes to be the funny man lol congratulations too! :3

    • Well, really it’s a very nice question, but the truth is, I am not really sure 🙂 I always hope he is fine, but it’s hard to tell ❤

  9. Reblogged this on Everything under the sun! and commented:
    I have a friend who’s on her 2nd trimester and I want to educate our common friend who says this things whenever they see her. I can relate because when I am pregnant with my son I have been asked a thousand times if im about to give birth they said my tummy is huge and its not my time yet. its very annoying really, I even thought of recording my answer.

  10. The freak show part described it well, I think. And this is from someone who’s never been the main act, but has only watched from the trees on the other side of the fence. Just another reminder of how women’s bodies are somehow public domain….
    Funny, too!!!

  11. Lol I love this! I am not married, but engaged and obviously we were not trying. So you can imagine the questions and looks that I get. My personal favorite is “So when’s the wedding/ Are you still with the father”.

  12. I hated being pregnant and being in the work place. People who never talked to you all of a sudden wanted to know personal information. They thought because I was now part of the club they could ask….or touch. Really? What makes you think its ok to touch my stomach.

    I dreaded the “How are you feeling?”. They didn’t really want to know. They just wanted an opportunity to tell you something about their birthing experience…and it was usually a horror story. My reply to their stupid question was usually. “I feel great! Never been better!” and then I would walk away.

  13. Hahaha! This is great! I’ve heard many of these MANY times during different pregnancies. The most oft-asked questions for me was “Is this your last one?” and “Are you done?”
    Congratulations on your pregnancy! Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

  14. haha so true. I remember I always found it weird when other people got REALLY excited about my pregnancy and squealed and stuff while I was left there feeling like I wasn’t excited enough. Once it’s you it just feels surreal. And you spend the whole time hoping something doesn’t go horribly wrong. So yeah, the over excited response is odd and something I could do without!

  15. I can totally relate to most of the things you discussed on here. I really hated when people would be so negative and talk about how hard it would be. They never mention or talk about the good stuff to come. Yes, it was a lot more then I expected. It’s not like they come with a manual or something. But I loved learning all the stuff I did while raising
    my Boo. Also the were you trying question I hated. To me it is a personal thing why do they need to know.

  16. Two more:
    1) What’s the baby’s name – unless you can absolutely without a doubt convincingly profess your unconditional love for the name
    2) Are you going to breastfeed? – while standing above my desk looking down my shirt.

  17. Thanks for taking the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love learning more on this topic. If possible, as you gain expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.

    Thanks!

  18. Pingback: Ten things not to say to a pregnant woman | justhumors·

  19. Sorry, but we men really really reeeeeeeeeeally don’t care. And when we say something inappropriate about your bump/baby/boobs it’s from the place called ‘What the hell do I say here’. Et, and in all truth, I truly doubt if the fella that did the deed has one clue what to say either and he has to listen to you for 36 weeks and so should have intimate knowledge of the working within your head/belly/waterworks/constipation/ and keeping your hair out of the loo bowl while you eject last years carrots and sweetcorn from three year ago like a howitzer on speed. But of course he doesn’t.
    And of course we men never wipe snot from your face and tell you you are beautiful.
    Just remember pregnant women have a chemical cocktail designed to take the edge from the experience, all of it, not just the last hours, men don’t. We should get medals for going anywhere near you in case the occurrence happens again.

    • hahahaha, we have hormones to “take the edge off??” I’d say quite the opposite.

      I would be happy if some of the men around me would act like they reeeeeeally didn’t care, instead of saying weird s**t like, “you ready to pop?”

      And the fella who did the deed to me–aka, my husband–has to listen to me for 40 weeks. Also, he is wonderful and says all the right things and cares a lot. He does get a medal, but not for any of the reasons you mention. 🙂

      • (chuckle) i was subtracting 4 weeks when you had no clue.

        But that pop question from a guy derives from not having ever thought about it and the similarity to a balloon. It’s the first thing that enters his head and It really isn’t delivered with crassness or ugliness in mind. We don’t have a uterus so there is no history of thought processing in this context at all.
        Should that thought enter my head, the balloon one. It tends to be with a woman that both slight and 5’5″ or less. taller and the proportions never tend to to poppy. 🙂
        Best of luck.

  20. wow!i am definitely gonna take note on this list. especially the part when the baby’s out. dishes and movies then. 🙂
    i kind of just go “wow,congratulations!” when someone tells me she’s pregnant because i don’t know what else to say to a pregnant lady…now i know what NOT to say. 🙂 thank you!

  21. Another rule. NEVER ask or ASSUME someone is pregnant. It’s really embarrassing and rude if they aren’t, and if they are…let them tell you.

  22. I stopped my friend from watching the very last episode of ER when she was pregnant. If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t. Seriously. Don’t.
    Great post – enjoy the pregnancy!

  23. The only thing I think that can top #10 and isn’t listed is, “Congratulations!….I’m glad it’s YOU and NOT ME!” Talk about a back handed compliment. The second half of that comment totally cancels out the congratulations part for me. Some people just don’t know when to stop.

  24. Love. My best friend had a c-section with both her girls and she said people were *constantly* like, “Oh, you missed out on the miracle of birth!” She was like, “Why does it matter HOW the baby comes out?! I STILL HAD A BABY.” Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed & on your lil’ bundle of joy:)

  25. I’m happy to discover your blog- congrats on being Freshly Pressed! The worst question I had was “Excuse me, are you pregnant?” I wouldn’t have minded, but I was 8 months pregnant and had put on 18 kg… I told her I had bad flatulence. She believed me.

  26. Just had baby #2. Fortunately, these questions level off after the first. Unfortunately, they’re replaced by even more ridiculous ones. Will you keep trying for a boy? You know how this keep happening, right? Ugh…

  27. I’m sure my wife can agree to this list. Our favorite post birth comment is “congratulations you two” to which I respond “don’t look at me, I only helped put it in her, I had nothing to do with getting it out.”

  28. Fabulous and hilarious post. I wrote one similar – Top 12 expat comebacks to say to someone if they ask: Are you pregnant? http://laavventura.wordpress.com/2013/07/24/top-12-expat-comebacks-to-say-to-someone-if-they-ask-are-you-pregnant/ I’ve been married and living in the mountains in a small town in Sardinia, Italy for the last six years. I am frequently asked if I’m pregnant, or when we’re having kids – all from people I pass on the street or see in the supermarket on a daily basis.

  29. Great job. The “how’s the baby” question was a relevant one in my situation though as we had a “non-viable pregnancy” according to doctors…he’ll be SIX in November!! lol With 23 weeks of bedrest…I knew EXACTLY how the baby was (and my liver, and my blood counts, and the biometric scores…lol)

  30. In addition to inappropriate comments, there is long stream of unsolicited advice from everyone, especially new mother’s that think they know best. Asking them to stop doesn’t even work, because “they know” and look at you with a condescending smile.

  31. I think I may have said “I knew it” once or twice, but I stopped because I was afraid I’d get in trouble for asking and I was wrong. I can see I’m doing the smart thing. Good luck with your baby and I hope you have a safe pregnancy and delivery.

  32. How about: “Holy crap, are you having quintuplets or something?” If I were a pregnant woman, I’d probably clock somebody if they said something like that to me. But then, as they say, if men got pregnant there’d be about a year of pregnancy and maternity leave, we’d be knocked completely unconscious for the the birth, we’d get an award for giving birth, etc.

  33. I read this because for the first time in my life, I find myself working every day alongside a pregnant woman, my incredible floral team mate Heather. It has been a real eye-opener as she has shared with me the constant influx of comments and advice and unsolicited manhandling she receives since she has started showing.

    Total strangers touching her without permission or telling her things like “making love to her husband while pregnant will lower the baby’s IQ”!!! Can you believe it?

    Just wanted to see if the comments she gets all the time were on your list and they pretty much are: “you’re huge! looks like you’re ready to pop!” and “you think you’re tired now!”

    At least now I am so much more aware and can show more compassion for my fellow women by totaling avoiding these mostly well-meaning but apparently irritating comments!

    Pregnancy is just such a beautiful miracle to witness, I think we observers all just want to be a part of it in some small way. That’s why we butt our noses in and come up with the lamest things to say. Especially men, who are painfully aware of being absolutely barred from experiencing such an incredible thing. Being close to you, the pregnant woman, is in many ways like being near an Angel. There is just something so mysterious and wonderful going on! It draws the rest of us in.

    In the end though, these annoying comments and unwanted attention are a trivial matter – just think instead about the award that awaits the mother at the end of this 9-month journey! Incessant unwanted attention is such a small price to pay for the joy and privilege of bringing forth a child, don’t you think? Also, I am told that once the baby comes, a lot of women feel completely ignored and neglected as everyone focuses on the new little guy. So why not just choose to be happy and let all these things just roll off you? Stressing less about them will probably be a boon for the baby’s well-being, too.

  34. I forgot my backup comment: “And which Nobel Prize do you think your baby will grow up to win?” (My former neighbors had this happen – Dad was a mill worker, Mom a housewife, and son won the Nobel Prize in physics, so it’s not quite as far-fetched as it seems).

  35. Oh I am guilty of a few of these. My sister unfornately, had me hovering over her to make sure she ate well, the baby was fine on an hourly basis. lol. However, a natural root canal.. yeah that was funny.

  36. So after reading this I now feel weird for pretty much never noticing a pregnant friend’s breasts getting bigger. Are they going to take my man-card away? Should I just lie and tell people I noticed?

  37. “I don’t want to get a “natural” root canal.” Hahaha…
    But seriously, people have told/asked you all this? I got only “How’s the baby” and a version of “Were you trying?” as in “Was it an accident?” so far. Oh yes, and of cause “You think life sucks now, just wait until the baby’s born!”. But hey, I live in a different county. Here you can work with a person for four years straight and you won’t have any idea whether they are married, or have a partner or a pet, how old they are, what they do on their private time etc. So I feel almost honored that they noticed at all 😀
    All the best for you and the babes!

  38. Guys! I am totally overwhelmed by your generosity and engagement! Unfortunately, I have a day job that keeps me from replying to everything right now, but I am so grateful for all these thoughtful comments. More soon! xoxo

  39. Don’t know what it is about pregnancy that brings out the worst in people. I believe every woman who has ever been pregnant has heard every one of those. Good post.

  40. Can we get a “stop touching a pregnant stranger’s belly” in there, please? Why do people think that’s okay?

    Also, I imagine people ask “were you trying?” in order to determine if congratulations or condolences are in order, which just makes me laugh. It’s such a horrible invasion of privacy, but for some reason, people think pregnant women no longer have a sense of privacy once there’s a baby in their belly!

    • No kidding! I finally snapped at some lady that touched my belly when I had had it. I told her to respect my personal space as I would never come up to her and grab her breast. She apologized and that was the end of that.

  41. LOL, this is dead on – got all of these! The only thing you forgot is “Should you be eating/drinking THAT?” I actually had a vendor at a work lunch go so far as to tell our waiter, without asking me, that I would not be getting coffee like the rest of the table did. I wasn’t planning to have any, but was seriously annoyed at the presumption!

  42. You just rocked this pregnancy thing! You’re my new hero! I hope you don’t mind me reposting this really awesome well written, kick ass inspiring, just tell it like it is post. I really needed someone to say it! Thank you that it was you.

  43. Who. In their. RIGHT. MIND. Tells stories of pregnancy disasters to a pregnant woman? Damn, I’ve never been pregnant once in my life and I know that much! Tell her how happy you are for her and ask her how they’re decorating the nursery and when the shower is for chrissakes, otherwise STFU.

  44. Pingback: 10 THINGS | Moifaktoryartz.wordpress.com·

  45. Good stuff… I like the “natural” root canal. I totally agree!
    I had a coworker who almost everyday came by to tell me that he thinks I was having twins! ..while I saw a pregnant woman at my OBGYN twice my size! Makes me mad every time he says that!

  46. My favorite with my second pregnancy (first baby) that was due at the end of September in the hot South East was, “we’ll you didn’t plan that very well, did you?” I shut them up pretty quickly when I would say, “after 3 years of trying to get pregnant and one miscarriage we’re just happy to be pregnant.” Smh!

  47. I loved this. I’m no longer pregnant but I’ve lived through all of your 10 listed quotes. Having 3 boys and then a girl I also was on the receiving end of plenty gender related nonsense. ‘Another boy? Are you disappointed?’ ‘You could probably swap your boy for a girl at the hospital’ (yep someone really said that) and ‘Bet you’re glad you finally have a girl? You can stop now.’

  48. I have definitely said probably most if not all of these to a pregnant woman, apart from #5 and #8 and probably a few others. But there are one or two in there that I am for sure guilty of. Reading it made me feel a little bit ashamed that I hadn’t thought about how it would make the pregnant friend feel when I told them a horror story or asked them why their bump was so small. Usually I’m the first person to say you should think about how something is going to come across before you say it and also whether or not you would be personally offended if it was you they were saying it to in their situation. But nevermind, at least now I know to be careful of what I say. I have a couple of friends/family members who are expecting currently so I’ll think back to this post when having a conversation with them. One thing I am not guilty of however, is only talking about their impending new addition, I know that being pregnant doesn’t mean you don’t have a life outside of womb and baby talk!

    Brilliant post, loved the root canal bit! Keep it up, will be following for future posts 🙂

    P.S
    Congratulations!! x

  49. Pingback: Ten things not to say to a pregnant woman | Oddisms a la Andrea·

  50. Then there are the weird things people say when you are pregnant again! I have four children (by choice — another stupid question people ask) – with the first one it was “Was this planned?” – answer – does it matter? With the second, “So – Are you hoping for a girl (or boy) to go with the other one? – answer “yes”. With the third – “Are you happy with this? – answer – “Other than talking to idiots like you – yes!” With the fourth one – “Was this planned?” – Same answer as #1. The only thing worse than stupid questions are the people who feel the need to give you parenting advice – when they have no kids! Have a great time on your new adventure — it will be full of love and happiness! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

  51. It’s funny, but if you do not say anything to a pregnant woman (usually, someone you know,) you WILL get the answers to most of the 10 questions without asking when the mood swing of the pregnant female gets her irritated with you for not acknowledging her pregnancy.

  52. The only time I was asked, “Were you trying?” it was said in real love from a much older couple whom we had known for many years. They wanted to know, so they could rejoice greatly with us if it was so. It wasn’t, we just weren’t ready til then.

    But other than that? Oh boy, yes!

  53. I really don’t get it. Please human beings ain’t chemical elements and compounds to be studied and predicted at will. We don’t follow a particular pattern; and we are very complex to be so simply analyzed.
    I have said almost all these things you wrote about to my wife when she was pregnant. She took them as part of the fun of pregnancy. She was simply happy she was gonna be a mother. I have seen a lot of pregnant women react in the same way too. So I guess these are questions you as an individual isn’t comfortable with; not that they apply to every pregnant women.
    Thanks for writing though.

  54. I found it interesting, when in my last trimester, how people felt my state of pregnancy gave them permission to just reach out and rub my belly like I was Buddha or something. Now, I am not a “touch-me-not” person, however, I like to have had a few conversations with the person before the caress me.
    I remember once being on an elevator and a complete stranger (woman) reached out to touch my belly. I was hormonal and tired so I snapped, “Please do not rub or touch me. I am very grumpy.”

  55. Exactly…we have superstitious believe in africa not to ask ‘when she is due’ which means you might have intentions of hurting the baby…so usually this question is not answered.

  56. Love your entry. If only id seen this post when i was pregnant… i would have probably forwarded it to… everybody i knew! 🙂
    One of the questions that i was usually asked was what my babys name would be… and since i was looking for unique and uncommon names i used to get that one eyebrow up and flared nostril look… or “Oh.. Dont call her THAT!!”. I was even criticised on the same day i gave birth coz of the name i chosen… its like they have no idea youre already hormonal and on the verge of breaking down or breaking the first nose that comes your way!!

    Anyway.. Chapeau on the entry. Love it! 🙂

  57. My personal fave is “better you than me!” Or something like it. I’m a geriatric pregnant woman so this comes out a lot!

    And if one more person asks me the name I’ll lose it! I’ll never say because I don’t want the sneer if you don’t like it!!! Once it’s born the name is the name! Live with it!

    Yes lots of personal questions…. Were you trying? Why not ask to see what my vagina looks like? Sheesh!

  58. Wait, you forgot: “How long did it take for you to get pregnant?” Um, about 8 minutes… but don’t judge us… 😉 Or how about, “Don’t you wish you could drink?!” Ha. I’m not even going to answer that one. Funny post 🙂

  59. I decided to have my first baby after 5 years of marriage and always went on fire every time someone asked me number 10. Even when I said no, they went on like ‘oh, but I’m glad now that you finally could have your pregnancy.’

    W.T.F.

  60. “I don’t want to get a “natural” root canal.”
    Thank-you.
    I think my biggest pet peeve – ever – is people who seem to think that making a personal decision, to have relief from pain, is the wrong decision to make. You’re right. What’s so bad about it?

  61. I just had to add this … a few days after I gave birth, I was in a store and the sales girl, who looked like 19, asked me how many months pregnant I was 🙂 I looked at her with a smile and told her I just had a baby. She responded with a shocked look of her own. I knew that she wasn’t aware that your tummy doesn’t miraculously flatten to it’s pre-pregnancy look after giving birth. It was pretty hilarious to see her face really! Like, “Oh no! Is that what I’m gonna look like when I have my first kid?!” Hilarious 🙂

  62. I admit, I’ve asked most of these. Ooops. But I LOVED the reference to the Mutter Museum!! I actually went there for the first time this summer – and iiiiccccckkkkkkkk. BTW – congrats on being pressed – I never would have found you otherwise. Hope to join you in the ranks one day (once I actually get my blog up and running!).

  63. I am not pregnant, nor have i ever been, but your article made me empathize with you! i just loved your writing style! 🙂

  64. funny, loved it! but in our case, my wife’s baby bump was not visible at all till the 7th month at which time the baby was born, so we kinda missed a lot of those freaky questions. (can’t deny that i’ve myself said some of the things in that list)

  65. I’m trying to get pregnant and a bunch of friends now and they all ask me about if I am going to breast feed (none of their damn business cause they all have a “right” opinion) and will I circumcise if I have a boy (again none of their business). Can’t wait to hear what comes out of their mouthes when I get pregnant – probably much worse since I am doing this as a single mom!

    • I totally understand. Usually these people are scared out of their wits about this because they don’t know where they would find the courage to do it without a partner. I did it and I’m very glad I did…you will be too.

  66. Loved your story….now that I’m a single mom I get the question…oh is your daughter you’re only one? I say ..oh… yes! And they start asking very personal questions . I think I will write about this…loln

  67. All of these are pretty hilarious. Mind you, I’m not pregnant. So when and if I ever am I will probably be annoyed with all of the above. Reading the “how’s the baby?” part made me laugh the most because I always ask pregnant women that. Never again.

  68. OMG!! #7 and #9 are the ones i really hate people asking about it. I did not know how to reac when peple told me #9. this blog is really good and i really enjoyed reading it. also there are some others that are really good tho and i invite you to read them. i am really sure you are going to enjoy reading it. there are about how to suvive in first year of college http://awctakethebullbythehorns.wordpress.com/2013/09/30/how-to-make-friends-the-first-week-of-class/

  69. This was a great article, I especially liked #2. It wasn’t long ago I sat cringing while listening to someone tell a pregnant woman a horror story about a friends delivery experience. I just kinda thought to myself, “What’s the purpose of telling that terrifying story?” It’s not like (at 7-8 months in) the pregnant woman can just turn around and decide she’s not going to go through with it.

  70. I keep getting people asking if I’m having one or two! Like neighbors who just asked me the same question the week earlier! But I live in Japan, and I’m American, so I’m already bigger than almost any pregnant Japanese woman has ever been, I guess. Of maybe they sometimes discover hidden twins here even after the 22nd week??

  71. Hilarious! I dealt with most of those during one or both of my pregnancies. Thankfully, I have paid enough attention to people’s feelings before and since that I haven’t inflicted most of these on anyone else. I don’t mind a couple of them, like asking how the baby is, because the intention is kind and they don’t know that they are the umpteenth people asking me that. Saying how huge I was really upset me when pregnant with my son, since it was so true. LOL I was carrying a very large baby boy AND a gargantuan cyst. Of course I was huge…idiot….LOL

  72. Great post! You’ve inspired me to write a similar post on what NOT to say to a mum of twins.

    A pregnant woman I knew was sick of her belly being touched by strangers so she started touching their bellies when they touched hers. When they looked at her in surprise and asked her what she was doing, she replied that she thought belly-touching was a form of greeting for them. Needless to say they got the message that just because she was pregnant, it didn’t mean that her stomach was public property!

    • haha! When I was born my older sister told my parents to “take that pink and wrinkly thing back”! 🙂 All babies are kind of funny looking, but yeah, the parents don’t necessarily want to hear that! My husband and I are calling our new arrival the “little raisin” already 🙂

  73. I laughed at this, then realized I totally felt this way when I was pregnant. And I invited this twice, willingly. (or so they tell me) It’s always interesting to see what people say to you when you’re pregnant. I guess it didn’t help that I was working retail during my second pregnancy. There were times my manager actually took me off the floor for fear of the current customer’s safety after a “witty” comment. And I constantly felt like a carnival game of “guess the sex” to which I felt like saying I’m giving birth to a liter of puppies now if you’ll excuse me I need my current shots.

  74. LOVE THIS!! Its so funny and so honest! I love the one about “were you trying?” I feel obligated to answer yes because if I say the real answer (we werent really trying but we are happy to have one on the way!) I will be judged or something haha! Thank you for your awesome post!

  75. The birth plan definitely goes flying out the window. Childbirth is not something that can be planned 100%, having a general idea is perfectly find but having everything planned out, not so much.

    I have heard all of these and more when I was pregnant with my daughter. One that really irritated me was that I wasn’t “big” enough to be that far along. I walked everyday and ate mainly healthy foods. So… I didn’t blow up like a blimp and gain 100lbs (no offense to anyone that went through that) but seriously, don’t assume that the baby is unhealthy because you just don’t know.

    Turns out she was just fine and healthy. Average weight and above average height 🙂

    A Suburban Mommy
    http://confessionsofasuburbanmommy.wordpress.com/

  76. I love this! My favorite has definitely got to be the “How is the baby?” question. Your response was hilarious, “how is your spleen?” Hahaha I nearly died of laughter when I read that. Look forward to more blogs. (:

  77. This is oh so true! Now that I have had my children, there is one question I get ALL of the time and I can’t stand it! When I tell someone I have 3 kids I always get, “You have 3 kids?” You don’t look old enough to have 3 kids!” Why do you care how old I am and how many children I have?!

  78. #6..heard you’re so small. Over and OVER. Thank u. But I feel huge and no matter how many times you say you’re so small I still feel huge. that’s because, uh I AM HUGE COMPARED TO WHAT I WAS. Again, thank you. Now leave! LOL! This is too funny. it made me laugh!

  79. What a lovely sharing from you Dear, sometimes a simple action of kindness speaks a-thousand words, I just recollect my memory on some nice people who gave their seat while I had to commute for over an hour each way daily while being pregnant.

  80. Pingback: TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A PREGNANT WOMAN·

  81. Pingback: Make that 12 things. (An update) | Is This Thing On?·

  82. Pingback: Ten things not to say to a pregnant woman | Smilealong's Blog·

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